Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
