I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
