The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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