I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
