I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
