it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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