i need an iv and a liver transplant
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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