Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
