i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
