so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
