remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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