UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
