so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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