Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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