I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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