just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
