you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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