do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
