you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
