I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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