im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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