1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
