I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize