I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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