I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
