I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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