This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
