Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
