she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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