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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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