the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
