return my video game
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Randomize
