So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
