yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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