he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
