I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.