You're my little dorito
what day is it and did you see me today?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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