walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants