Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?