This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?