the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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