my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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