My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
