I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
