apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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