if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
