How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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