mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
