just tell him i said nine months
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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