why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
