it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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