Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
