yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
