Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
