she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
