I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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