I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
