Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
