Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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