I have demons in me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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