who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Randomize
