I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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