Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
