youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
