Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
