It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
