It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
