i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
do nipples grow back?
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