You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.