There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once