WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.