my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So squirting runs in the family.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Damn victory sex feels great
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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