I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean