Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
