my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
