i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
