wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
