Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
