I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
