He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I just went to clothing optional bar
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
