we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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