I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
