Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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