Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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