Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
