First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
