? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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