yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
