Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
