so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
