someone threw a dead crab at me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
