You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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