I CAN MOONWALK!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
