I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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