There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
