hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
